Relationship Quality Quiz

Just a few minutes to rate the quality of your relationship. You might also consider using this quiz as the beginning of a conversation (or several conversations) about how you would like your relationship to be.

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Susan Derry
Faulty Thinking Sucks the Joy Out of Life

Faulty thinking can take the joy out of living. People’s minds can play tricks on them, leading them to view the world as if through dark sunglasses. The misery an individual is experiencing is probably proportional to the extent of their faulty thinking habits. Therapy is often focused on changing habitual thought patterns so that they run along more positive, life enhancing tracks.

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Anxiety, DepressionSusan Derry
Number 1 Reason for Relationship Breakdown

Couples have issues with communication, trust, difficulty managing their emotions, and differences in values, expectations, and priorities. And these are just a few of the possible problems. However, there is one indicator that can predict, with incredible accuracy, the demise of your relationship. This predictor involves either or both of you acting with a particular attitude or stance.  

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Susan Derry
Take in the Good: Overcoming Negativity Bias in Relationships

Scientific evidence suggests that our brain has a built-in negativity bias. This tendency is part of what has allowed us to survive over millions of years. Our survival depended on constant vigilance to detect danger. However, noticing the good must become a practice if we want to rewire our brain for success in our relationship.

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Susan Derry
Healthy Conflict for Couples

Conflict is an inevitable part of even the best relationships. Whether you call it fighting, disagreeing, or discussing, most relationships could benefit from less suppression of feelings and more honest effort to resolve conflicts. If you claim you have never had a conflict in your relationship, chances are one of you is not expressing their opinions or needs and this will most likely result in a build-up of resentment.

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Susan Derry
Planned Intimacy

Failing to plan for intimacy too often means it is left until the end of a busy day where it can become, for some, just one more thing they have to do so they can get to sleep.

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Susan Derry
Tidying Together

There has been a recent surge in household organization probably due to the popularity of the Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Now is an excellent time to work together as a team to create a living space that brings you joy.

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Susan Derry
Stop Spending Time Together—Start Investing in Your Relationship

Typically when we think of spending vs. investing, we are talking about money. You can likewise invest your time in your relationship, rather than just spending your time together. When I say, stop spending time together, I mean stop wasting the precious time that you have together. How do we waste the precious time we have for each other? 

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Susan Derry
Align Your Expectation With Reality

As you think about the state of your relationship, I hope that you will take the time to evaluate your expectations for your partner and your relationship. Although it is great to consistently strive to improve your relationship, there is a danger of slipping into criticism when expectations are not met.

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Susan Derry
Traditions for Couples and Families

Traditions represent a critical part of family culture. When you join two family cultures together, in a marriage or relationship, you have important decisions to make about what to keep and what to let go and how to create your unique family culture. The idea of developing traditions may sound stuffy and old-fashioned, but they can be fun as well.

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Susan Derry
Don't Avoid Difficult Conversations

People often avoid tough conversations as a way to avoid conflict. The problem is that avoiding difficult conversations simply leads to more conflict in the long run. You may momentarily avoid the unpleasant, but it will come back to bite you hard.

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Susan Derry
Be Careful What You Say

I think making use of Socrates Triple Filter Test, could prevent a lot of drama, frustration, hurt feelings and mistrust. Before you share a juicy tidbit, critique your partner or lash out in anger; apply the Triple Filter Test.

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Susan Derry
Resilient Relationships

The key to developing resilient relationships begins with the connection that you have with your self. Other than your relationship with God or your higher power, your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. All your relationships will reflect and be influenced by how you treat yourself. If you are struggling to love and accept yourself, it will be difficult for you to trust or feel the love offered by your partner.

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Susan Derry
Keeping Your Relationship Fresh

How often does your spring come? If you are creating a remarkable relationship, it comes frequently, or very frequently. Keeping your relationship fresh requires frequently creating a spring season or finding ways to refresh your relationship..

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Susan Derry
A Healthy Relationship is FUNCTIONAL

A healthy relationship is functional and gives people a soft place to land. There are mutual respect and acceptance. The following is a list of attributes of a healthy, functional relationship:

F eeling like two whole people

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Susan Derry
Gift Giving for Couples

Giving gifts is one way to demonstrate love for your partner. Gift giving has the potential to bring joy or hurt, disappointment or friction in your relationship. Whether it is gifts of love or material gifts, putting some thought into the gift can result in enjoyment rather than disappointment.

The following are some thoughts that may be helpful:

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Susan Derry
Overreacting? Pause and Consider

We are all guilty of occasionally overreacting in anger or having moments or days when we are more irritable than usual. At times our partner may take the brunt our foul mood. Whether we are cranky or triggered, it would be most helpful to pause before acting in these situations. Remembering to …

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Susan Derry
Strategies For Better Communication

At times in relationships, we let our feelings get the best of us. Some people allow their anger to cover hurt, sadness or fear and then attack their partner by unloading a dump truck full of venom and frustration on them. This venting type of communication is completely aggressive. Others tend to stuff their feelings and upset, making cryptic comments or saying nothing at all. 

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Susan Derry