Connect or Disconnect through Technology in Relationships

Technology is neither helpful nor hurtful for relationships; it is how we choose to use technology that determines whether we harm or help our relationships. We need to examine whether we control our use of technology or allow technology to control us. If we allow technology to monopolize our time and attention, our relationships will suffer from disconnection. 

Technology can bring challenges relationships in the following ways:

  • Miscommunications happen all the time in relationships, but miscommunication is exponentially increased via text or chat messages. It is too easy to misinterpret or assume the tone of the message.

  • It is far easier to be cruel to a loved one via text or email. We can send off angry, hurtful words in seconds without the opportunity to see the effect those words have on others.

  • Not being present when we are with our loved ones is a dangerous use of technology. When we give more of our attention to our computers, phones, screens or electronic games than we give to the people around us, we are seriously eroding our relationships.

  • Technology can distract us from putting our time and energy into building a future with our partners and family. It is too easy to be pulled into inappropriate conversations or worse. 

  • Expecting constant availability via technology can put undue stress on relationships. 

If we choose to control our use of technology, it can help us connect with our loved ones. 

Technology can aid in strengthening relationships in the following ways:

  • Frequently today, people are meeting and getting to know their future partners online. 

  • The many forms of video chat can help us feel close, even when we may be half a world away.

  • Electronic calendars and phone reminders can help us remember important events, dates and times. In addition, we can help ensure that our loved ones feel remembered and cared about by setting reminders ahead of time to send cards or purchase gifts.

  • Receiving and sending a kind, thoughtful, funny or loving text, email, or phone call throughout the day can help us feel connected when we are busy and apart.

  • Technology makes it easy to display photos of loved ones; photos of fun and treasured moments, as a screensaver or phone background, can bring a smile to our faces and help us feel close.

As wonderful as technology is for helping us connect, virtual intimacy can never replace actual intimacy. We need eye contact, touches, hugs, smiles and time together. Take a few moments to evaluate whether your choices around the use of technology are helping or harming your relationship. Choosing to use technology wisely can help build and strengthen our relationships. Allowing technology to consume and distract us from our time together has the opposite effect.

If technology is causing more harm than good in your relationship, you might consider speaking to one of our counselors online or in person. 

Susan Derry