Relationship Goals
“All achievements, whether in the business, intellectual, or spiritual world, are the result of definitely directed thought.”
January is a time when thoughts often turn to new years resolutions. Current restrictions mean that most of us are spending more time with only those who live in our household. Perhaps you could make good use of this gift of time by focusing on relationship goals.
If you are married, you probably spent many hours, months, and possible years thinking about and planning your wedding. Married or not, you may have spent time planning vacations, careers, or home renovations. I would strongly encourage and invite you to put energy into creating your relationship plan. Whether you have been together for a few months or many years, your relationship could benefit from some intentional attention.
Do you really know what you want in your relationship and out of life? Or are your thoughts and attention focused on what you do not want? Set your intention to focus on seeing and creating what you do want in your relationship. It is helpful to write down your relationship goals. An annual review and adaptation of those goals will help keep you moving in the right direction.
Questions to get you started
It may be beneficial for each of you to answer the questions and then share your answers:
1. What time together did I enjoy most this past year? In the past five years?
2. What things that we used to do would I like to do more of as a couple?
3. What is something new that I would like us to try as a couple?
4. What would my ideal couple getaway look like for us?
5. If I could choose a relationship goal for the next year, what would I choose?
Relationship goals can fall into several categories. Many of my clients express a desire to improve their ability to communicate. Clients frequently express wanting to feel supported, find ways to share household responsibilities, improve financial stability, increase their feelings of connection, improve their sex life or intimate relations, or have more fun together.
Some possible goal suggestions
Please personalize the goals to suit you as a couple.
1. Start your day with a hug—a real full-frontal, gentle, but firm hug. Aim for at least a 10-second hug.
2. Go on a date once a week. Make it something fun for both of you, or take turns doing what the other likes to do. Remember, if you are taking turns, then you need to do so cheerfully.
3. Talk every day. Talk about more than the business of life or what the kids are doing. Share who you are with each other.
4. Express gratitude every day. Notice what each other does well, and share what you notice.
5. Do more than say, I love you. Find ways to demonstrate your love in ways that your partner will appreciate.
Carefully consider what areas of your relationship you would like to improve. I would recommend choosing to work on one goal at a time. Work together to create a joint goal that appeals to you both of you. If you are not in agreement on a mutual goal, you could each chose one goal to begin. In this case, each of you would come up with a personal goal for improving the relationship. Be careful not to set goals for each other. Focus instead on what you can do to improve the relationship.
“If you really know what you want out of life, it’s amazing how opportunities will come to enable you to carry them out. ”