Overcoming Relationship Obstacles
“In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - “Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.””
In our relationships, when we take the challenge to face up to and work to remove obstacles that may be preventing closeness and harmony, we may be surprised to find hidden treasures. With persistent and loving efforts, we can frequently discover ways to reduce the size of, remove, or build a bypass over obstacles in our relationship. It is not helpful to sit back and think that our partner is the problem, and all would be well if only they would change. What is required is the humility and willingness to accept responsibility to do something to improve things as the peasant did. We can ask ourselves, "What can I do to help make this better?"
We also need to avoid throwing blame as the wealthy merchants and couriers did. Blaming, although it may feel good momentarily, does nothing to solve problems and heal relationships. Do we really win if we make our partner the loser? It is helpful for couples to see each other as allies rather than enemies. Separate the problem from the person. Working together to solve our problems gets far better results than throwing blame at each other.
Every obstacle in our relationship presents an opportunity for growth or conflict. The choice is ours. The treasure goes to those who choose to acknowledge their part, choose to be persistent and loving, and pull together to resolve challenges.