Dig the Well Before You Are Thirsty

A wise Chinese proverb says, "Dig the well before you are thirsty." There is great wisdom in preparing for the inevitable. The time to dig a well is not when you are weak and dying of thirst. Relationships would benefit from the application of this wisdom. There does seem to be a natural tendency for partners to become less satisfied with their relationship as time passes, particularly if they do not put some effort into nourishing the relationship.

Perhaps the time to strengthen your relationship is when things are still satisfactory. It may seem overly obvious, but couples who come for counseling while they still like each other have a much higher chance of staying together in a fulfilling relationship.

Now is the time to develop positive relationship habits. Habits such as making time for one another, interacting in positive ways, and actually listening to understand each other. Developing solid relationship habits when things are going well may carry you through times when the inevitable struggles show up.

"Digging the well" before you are thirsty means that you won't die of thirst while you are digging. While it is true that it is never too late to salvage your relationship if you both want to save it. Sometimes the desire to salvage the relationship is long gone. (Remember that there are some relationships not worth salvaging, for example, abusive relationships).

Unfortunately, some relationships end up dying because couples postpone digging the well until they are dying of thirst. Their patience with the digging process is minimal due to the sad state of their relationship. They need and want their thirst eased now and are not prepared to wait to see results.

Here are some tools that can help you "dig the well" or water your relationship:

• Spend time together,

• Laugh together,

• Say thank you to each other,

• Together do a kind deed for someone else,

• Accept rather than blame each other,

• Do at least one thoughtful thing each day for each other.

When you consistently put positive energy into your relationship, over time, your relationship "well" will be deep and refreshing. Your relationship won't suffer from dehydration but instead will continue to flow with contentment.