Blended Family
Creating healthy blended family relations is a challenging adventure. The experience can be frustrating for both children and parents. It takes time for blended families to bond. Love, patience and healthy boundaries are key ingredients to success in this area.
It is especially important for parents to remember that they are the adults. As such, they are the ones that model healthy behavior. A great deal of unconditional love may be required in order for children to start to accept the new situation. If either of you is recently divorced the children may feel resentful that someone is taking Mom or Dad’s place. If you have been a single parent for a bit longer, the children may feel displaced by all the attention that is now going to the new partner.
It is helpful to take your time and to build a foundation, rather than rushing ahead. Waiting at least two years after divorce before remarrying gives your blended family a better chance of success. You can also increase your chances of success by planning ahead.
- Understand that it takes time to build relationships
- Find ways to do day-to-day things together
- Talk about parenting styles and expectations
- If you decide to adjust your parenting style do so before moving in together
- Expect that the children may not react positively at first and that is okay
- Set healthy boundaries, be respectful and insist on respectful behavior
- Let both your partner and your children know that you will not choose between them
Being aware of the basic needs of your partner and the children can help you develop and maintain positive relationships. We all need to feel loved, to feel important or valued, to feel safe or comfortable and to have some variety or excitement in our lives. Take time to pause and ask yourself how you are doing at helping your partner’s children feel loved, valued, safe and entertained? Ask the same questions for your children and for your partner. Helping everyone involved get their needs met, makes for a happier family.
When parents communicate openly and respectfully and help meet the needs of their children and each other, generally children gradually adjust to the idea of a blended family. Supporting each other and the children helps you all to make a successful transition.
Being aware of the basic needs of your partner and the children can help you develop and maintain positive relationships. We all need to feel loved, to feel important or valued, to feel safe or comfortable and to have some variety or excitement in our lives. Take time to pause and ask yourself how you are doing at helping your partner’s children feel loved, valued, safe and entertained? Ask the same questions for your children and for your partner. Helping everyone involved get their needs met, makes for a happier family.
When parents communicate openly and respectfully and help meet the needs of their children and each other, generally children gradually adjust to the idea of a blended family. Supporting each other and the children helps you all to make a successful transition.