Is Your Relationship Healthy?

Some relationships start as a whirlwind, and others take time to develop. Whether your beginning was fast or slow, there are some things to consider to help ensure that you create a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are more likely to endure the typical relationship struggles all couples face. All relationships adapt over time. Healthy couples tend to turn toward each other and grow closer. Unhealthy couples tend to turn away and pull apart. Below are some questions to help you take your relationship temperature.

Is there room for each of you be yourselves in your relationship?

Tolerance and respect for differences are hallmarks of healthy relationships. Couples in healthy relationships do not expect their partner to think and behave like they do. They allow their partner to have their own opinions and make their own choices.

Do you feel safe speaking up about what is bothering you in the relationship?

People in healthy relationships feel secure enough to be open and honest with their partners. You can help create safety for your partner to share by taming your reactions when they are honest with you. We can sometimes teach our partners to lie or hide things from us by overreacting when they share something we don’t like.

Do you bring things up in a conciliatory manner?

Using a soft start-up for difficult conversations makes it likely that our partner will feel less defensive. Speaking respectfully at all times is a worthy goal for a healthy relationships.

Do you set and maintain your boundaries and respect your partner’s?

Healthy couples are clear on what they value and what is a deal breaker for them. They are open with each other about their needs and preferences and respectful of the other’s boundaries. Manipulation and control are avoided and replaced with assertiveness and cooperation.

Do you agree to disagree over the unsolvable issues in your relationship?

Every couple has one or more unsolvable problem. These are the things that, no matter how long the two of you discuss the issue, you will always have differing views. This does not mean that you don’t have a great relationship. It just means that you are two individuals who think differently. Find a way to make these differences a non-issue, be creative, use your sense of humor and agree to disagree agreeably.

Do you trust your partner, and are you being trustworthy?

Trust is a crucial factor in healthy relationships. If trust has been broken, it is essential to rebuild it. Be open and honest with your partner. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you make a promise to your partner, keep it.

Do you have both feet in the relationship?

Fence sitting in relationships leads to dissatisfaction with the relationship. When you are watching for reasons to leave, you become more critical of your partner.

Are you kind to one another?

In healthy relationships, partner’s speak kindly to each other and about each other. They find little ways to be considerate of each other.

Do you smile at each other?

If you haven’t been smiling a lot in your relationship lately, try smiling more and see how this affects the relationship temperature. Choosing to smile helps your brain think there is something to smile about. Being present and noticing reasons to smile at your partner will move you toward a healthy relationship.

Do you feel and express gratitude in your relationship?

Gratitude is a marvelous tool for improving moods. It is an antidote for negative thoughts and feelings. Plus, it feels good to hear that our partner appreciates something about us.

Do you consult each other about decisions?

Healthy couples behave like a team. They work together to create their joint vision for their relationship. They try to avoid assumptions and talk things through before making decisions, especially decisions that impact the other.

Do you support and care for each other?

A healthy relationship feels like a safe place to land when the outside world is less than friendly. Healthy couples help each other achieve goals and celebrate each other’s successes. They are aware of times when their partner is struggling and are there for them, offering empathy and support.

A healthy relationship is worth the effort to create synergy and growth. If you feel your relationship is lacking in the areas discussed above, choose one small thing you could do differently to move you a little closer to the goal of a healthy relationship.