Libido Killers

Differences in libido may cause frustration in relationships. The disparity in desire can lead to a build-up of resentment and create distance in the relationship. Many factors can distract, discourage or dampen libido. These libido killers affect both men and women. The notion that men always want sex and women never do is simply a myth. In my counselling practice, I have seen nearly as many men with low libidos as women.

The following are some factors that tend to reduce libido:

Body Image This issue is not gender-specific; many people struggle with body image issues. When you are unhappy or disgusted with your body, the tendency is to hide, to limit and to feel at the very least uncomfortable getting naked and intimate. The shame interferes and can make it almost impossible to relax and enjoy lovemaking.

Past Abuse Sexual molestation or abuse can create associations and feelings that intrude on intimate moments. It can be challenging to leave the past in the past. There may be a pull-back reaction, where sex feels like something that should be avoided rather than enjoyed.

Emotional Struggles Depression can leave people uninterested in life, let alone intimate relations. Unfortunately, whether depression is the cause or effect, depression and lowered libido often go hand in hand. As well, antidepressants can have unwanted sexual side effects.

Relationship Problems A lack of affection and closeness in the relationship can lead to withdrawal and a loss of interest in lovemaking. In addition, unresolved conflicts can contribute to a build-up of resentment, which has the effect of throwing a wet blanket on the flickering candle of desire.

Parenting Busy lives, lack of time alone or privacy and shifting priorities can create roadblocks to sexual expression. Focusing too much attention on the children and not strengthening the couple relationship can seriously decrease libido.

Grief or Loss Grief can bring up anger and sadness, which may consume your attention for a time, leaving little room for interest in lovemaking. Also, for some, it can feel wrong to enjoy life when their loved one is gone.

Lack of Confidence A lack of confidence in yourself or your sexual abilities may cause you to talk yourself out of being sexual before you even begin. A sense of self-confidence makes it easier to feel sensual and to act on those feelings.

Stress When stress levels escalate, it can be challenging to shut off the worries long enough to enjoy being intimate with your partner. Sex can start to feel like just one more thing on the to-do list.

Sleep Deprivation When sex is left to the end of a busy day at the end of a busy week, there can be little motivation and no energy left to feel interested in lovemaking. People can simply be too tired to care.

Often understanding where the resistance or lack of interest is coming from can be helpful. For example, sometimes people are left thinking that there is something wrong with them when their libido drops or seems to be non-existent.